About boundaries in relationships
What healthy boundaries mean in relationships and what they do for us
In any type of relationship – be it couple, friendship, family or professional – healthy boundaries are fundamental. They define personal space, protect us emotionally and ensure a balance between our needs and those of others. Without clear boundaries, relationships can become overwhelming, leading to frustration, resentment and burnout.
👉🏻 Unhealthy boundaries in our lives can take subtle or obvious forms, but they all have in common a negative impact on mental health and relationship dynamics.
What exactly are unhealthy limits?
🧑🏼💼 In workplace relationships:
At work, for example, diffuse boundaries can lead to overload, difficulty delegating or a fear of saying “no”, which leads to burnout and resentment.
An employee who constantly agrees to work overtime for fear of being perceived as inefficient frequently leads to burnout, resentment and work-life imbalance. Colleagues sometimes take advantage of someone’s excessive availability, which erodes trust and generates group tensions. The result is a professional identity built on sacrifice, not balance.
Learning to set boundaries means recognizing the difference between commitment and self-sacrifice.
👩❤️👨 In romantic relationships:
In romantic relationships, weak boundaries often translate into tolerance of abusive behavior, excessive control or emotional fusion, resulting in loss of personal autonomy.
The lack of boundaries can lead to controlling behaviors, jealousy justified by “love” or the need to always please the other person. For example, a partner who constantly changes opinions, plans or even values to avoid conflict or abandonment risks losing themselves. In the long term, the relationship becomes unbalanced and one partner will feel pressure and the other frustration or emotional emptiness. Healthy boundaries in a couple mean being able to say “no”, negotiate differences and keep personal space without fear of rejection.
🤝🏼 In friendships:
In friendships, a lack of boundaries can mean constant availability for fear of rejection, which distorts the mutual balance.
Weak boundaries can come in the form of constant availability, even at the expense of your own well-being. A person who responds immediately to any request or who allows themselves to be drawn into frequent conflict or drama just so as not to lose a friendship ends up experiencing emotional fatigue and loss of enthusiasm for interaction. Sometimes such friendships become one-sided relationships, where one’s needs are constantly prioritized.
Practicing boundaries also means consciously choosing not always to be available or to express discomfort without fear of rupture.
👨🏻👩🏻👧🏻 In family relationships:
In the family, blurred boundaries often occur in the form of emotional intrusion or tacitly imposed duties that lead to guilt and difficulties in individualization.
The family is where we first learn about closeness and healthy distance. Unhealthy boundaries can come in the form of parents demanding absolute loyalty, unwarranted financial or decision-making involvement in their child’s adult life. For example, an adult who cannot make decisions without the “approval” of his or her mother or father will, over time, experience difficulties in developing autonomy and self-confidence. Guilt is also a common emotion when a person tries to distance him or herself from the duties, values or beliefs of the family of origin. Setting boundaries in the family involves redefining the relationship, preserving love but giving up dependency or unspoken debts.
Each type of relationship has its own particularities, but a lack of boundaries invariably leads to imbalance, suffering and loss of authenticity. Healthy boundaries do not mean rejection, but respect – both for oneself and for the other. They are built through practice, self-observation and sometimes with therapeutic support.
What does a healthy borderline look like?
A healthy boundary is not a rigid barrier but a flexible framework that allows for authentic connection, mutual respect and emotional safety. For example, refusing a request that goes beyond you, without fear of rejection, is a sign that you respect your own needs. At the same time, communicating openly about what is bothering you without aggression or guilt shows emotional maturity.
☢️Signs that you need clearer boundaries in relationships
If you frequently feel overwhelmed, tired or irritated in certain relationships, you may have difficulty setting boundaries. Other warning signs may include:
☢️ You feel you have to say yes even when you don’t want to.
☢️ You find it hard to express what’s bothering you.
☢️ You tend to take on responsibilities that don’t belong to you.
☢️ You feel guilty when you take time for yourself.
How do you set boundaries without guilt?
- 🫴🏼 Be clear and direct – Honest communication prevents confusion. Instead of, “It bothers me that you call me too often,” you can say, “I appreciate our conversations, but I need more time to myself.”
- 🫴🏼 Accept that you can’t please everyone – It’s natural for some people to be surprised or even unhappy with your changes. That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
- 🫴🏼 Practice self-compassion – Setting limits is not selfishness, but concern for your own well-being.
- 🫴🏼 Notice your reactions – If you feel guilty or anxious after setting a limit, ask yourself if you’ve been used to always putting other people’s needs first.
The positive effects of healthy boundaries
Once you learn to set your boundaries in a balanced way, you’ll find that relationships become more harmonious and you’ll have more energy and emotional clarity. Plus, healthy boundaries encourage mutual respect and authenticity in relationships.
Learning to set healthy boundaries means being aware of our own needs, taking personal responsibility and having the courage to take a stand, even if this causes temporary discomfort or tension. Boundaries are not walls, but bridges that define the healthy space between the “me” and the “other”.
❤️ If you find it difficult to set and maintain healthy boundaries, it’s okay to ask for help. At Med Anima, we offer the support you need to learn to manage your relationships in a balanced and healthy way. We encourage you to contact us to explore together the right solutions for you.❤️
Psych. Cătălina-Antonia Hausner
Clinical Psychologist, Psychotherapist
Clinica Med Anima Iași
Bibliography:
- Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (2016). Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life (D. Frunză, Trad.). Scriptum Publishing. (Original work published in 1992)
- Tatkin, S. (2020). The conscious couple: How to build a secure and trusting relationship (A. Puia, Trad.). Psychology Page Publishing.
- Bradshaw, J. (2020). rediscovering the self: how to regain the self-esteem lost in childhood (O. Barbu, Trad.). Herald Publishing.
- Bowlby, J. (2011). A secure base: The application of attachment theory in psychotherapy (D. Rădulescu, Trad.). Trei Publishing House.
more blog posts
Med Anima Iași:
Str. Străpungere Silvestru nr. 60, bl. CL 11, sc. B, ground floor, Iași, county: Iași
Med Anima Belcești:
com. Belcești, B entrance, Bl. 4, county: Iași
Med Anima Timișoara:
Bd. Eroilor de la Tisa nr. 8, 1st floor, Timișoara, county: Timiș
