What’s harder than being a teenager is (sometimes) parenting a teenager
We delve into the world of young adults in order to understand them and create harmonious relationships with them
Adolescence starts around the age of 13 and lasts until the age of 20. It is the period of biological, psychological and social transition from puberty to adulthood. This transition period involves both physical changes and changes in behavior and personality.
Stages of adolescence
To understand the differences more easily, let’s look at the 3 stages of adolescence:
- early adolescence (girls – 11; boys – 12)
- Middle adolescence (girls – 13 – 16; boys – 14 – 17)
- late adolescence (girls – 16-17; boys – 18-21)
Early adolescence
During this period, the body undergoes certain transformations, hairs appear in the intimate areas, breasts enlarge, the voice changes, boys have pollution, and menstruation occurs in girls, etc. Now you will also notice the first feelings of falling in love, intense and contradictory emotional experiences. Don’t panic if you notice that teenagers tend to distance themselves from each other. At this stage they are more concerned about their place in the group of peers, friends and are easily attracted to groups where they are given attention and status. They prefer to isolate themselves and withdraw from formal groups.
Middle adolescence
At this stage of adolescence, as a rule, bodily changes have occurred. Instead, interest in sexuality shared with another person is now emerging. Also now, thoughts about the future begin to appear. If in the previous stage, the distancing from parents was in the initial phase, now it is becoming even more pronounced, adolescents are distancing themselves from their parents and, in general, even from their family. They also become loyal members of certain groups.
Late adolescence
It’s not until around the age of 18 that teenagers are able to make decisions and take on certain long-term responsibilities. They are preparing for adult life and intimate, loving relationships come to the fore. You’ll notice at this stage that your relationship as a parent will improve as your teenager, now almost grown up, takes on more responsibility.
Adolescents go through major transformations, from variations in sex hormone concentrations to physiological and neurological changes:
Sex hormoneshave direct physical and emotional implications that cause arousal and agitation, heightened stress responses and sudden mood swings.
The overabundance of connections between neurons(a phenomenon called synaptogenesis) is reflected in the amazing ability to learn.
Weak myelination (interconnectivity) with cortical areas translates behaviorally into reduced long-term concentration abilities, poor connections between emotional and executive areas lead to reduced emotional control abilities in adolescence.
Neural pathways are malleable, passion and creativity are high.
One of the peculiarities of the adolescent is that he or she is a person who vehemently claims his or her autonomy and individuality, but who still remains deeply dependent on the family framework of childhood.
Some of the important needs of the adolescent that parents cannot meet are the need for understanding and the need for acceptance of the new person they are getting to know. Most of the time, parents, adults, try to impose, to order, to bring solutions, to be intrusive, to create the same relationship they were used to, the one in which the child was under the parents’ directives.
Listening
Listen without interpreting, without putting labels in your mind. Listen and accept what you hear without contradicting. You will have time for reflection later. It is very important, first and foremost, to learn to listen and to get out of the “I know best what is going on with my child” pattern
Being supportive
To be supportive means to be there, to be alongside, present and attentive to the needs and emotional experiences of the adolescent, ready to help, support, explain, without ordering and imposing solutions. Find ways to find out what the teenager’s mood is. Ask how their day was and what they did. You can invite your child to help you with something, such as making dinner, so that you can use this time to talk about the past day. Remind your teenager that whatever happens, you will be there for them and that you want to know what they are feeling and thinking. It’s important to be aware of the emotions a teen is feeling and to understand them, even if they make you uncomfortable.
Show understanding and acceptance
In this period, change is the order of the day, because it is through change that development is made whether we want it or not, so it is important to accept this, to have a dialog full of interest in what we hear and see, so that the teenager finds in us the place where he is accepted and can connect. Never discuss issues if you are upset. Stop talking, walk away, take a deep breath in and out, calm down. You can discuss the problem with the teen later. Avoid the power struggle. Now that everything is so unpredictable, teens might try to control “everything in the world,” but their possibilities are limited. As difficult as it may be, be understanding of your teen’s desire to be in control in such difficult times and don’t always stand in the way of their wishes. Be honest and honest with your teen: tell them that you’re also experiencing extra stress and share your feelings. Show them how you deal with difficult emotions: this can help them understand that the feelings they are experiencing are completely natural. When a conflict situation arises, take time to reflect on how you can resolve the situation together. You can share your thoughts with him so that he understands how you find ways to solve problems.
Making time and communicating
It is necessary to take time, to communicate with the adolescent about what scares him, about what he wants; getting to know the group of friends and the relationships in the group are indicative for the relationship with an adolescent! Now the teenager wants to talk about his friends, wants to be listened to and understood. Adolescence means independence. Allow the teenager enough time and personal space to be alone. The need for personal space is a natural part of growing up.
Trust and love
These are the ones that lead to acceptance of the person without other dysfunctional behaviors. Now love is given by creating a personal space and respecting it, but also by talking with interest and curiosity about the topics that interest the adolescent, no matter if they seem childish or not. Another way in which the adolescent understands healthy love is by implementing and respecting healthy boundaries towards the group and his/her social life! Teenagers have a need for hugs, even if they often pose as if they don’t have any. Whether you have a good or problematic relationship with your teenage child, it’s important to show them that you love and support them, that you can help them through difficult times, while looking after yourself at the same time.
The relationship between parents and teenagers is a complex one and can be full of challenges as well as opportunities for growth and mutual understanding. But both parents need to share a common vision for their child’s upbringing.
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