On the need for validation

A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM

In today’s context of social networking and growing emotional awareness, the theme of self-love and self-acceptance is becoming ubiquitous. People talk about “loving yourself” as a magic solution to all emotional problems.

However, for many, this exhortation remains an ideal that is difficult to achieve or apply. In reality, this self-acceptance is closely linked to validation – both from ourselves and those around us.

What is validation?

In essence, validation means recognizing the value, thoughts, emotions or behaviors of others as authentic and worthy of respect. According to psychology, this process is a fundamental pillar in the healthy development of self-esteem and interpersonal relationships. Without validation, it is difficult to build a stable identity and find the courage to evolve.

Types of validation. Practical guide

Validation can be achieved in many ways, and in this article we will explore the 6 levels of validation and how we can apply them to others as well as to ourselves.

1. Listen carefully

Validation starts with active presence. Listening attentively, without interruption, shows that the other person matters to us. Looking eye to eye, nodding and expressing sincere interest are small but meaningful gestures.

Example:

In front of others: “I’m listening, tell me more about what’s bothering you.”

About yourself: Reflect on what you are feeling and give yourself time to understand your emotions without judgment.

2. Reflecting back

Rephrasing what the other person says helps to clarify the message and shows that we are trying to understand correctly.

Example:

Compared to others: “So you feel disappointed because you worked hard and didn’t get the recognition you expected, right?”

Towards yourself: Identify recurring thoughts and try rephrasing them, “I feel sad now because I expected something different from this situation.”

3. Reading minds (with verification)

This level involves intuiting others’ emotional states and validating them, but always confirming our assumptions.

Example:

Compared to the others: “You look tired. Is something stressing you or do you want to talk about it?”

About yourself: Notice your general state and ask yourself, “What makes me feel this way? Is there something I can do for myself now?”

4. Understanding the context

Validation becomes deeper when we consider the person’s history and circumstances.

Example:

Compared to the others: “I know how important this project was to you, considering how much you invested in it.”

To yourself: “I feel anxious now, but given all I’ve had to do these days, it’s understandable.”

5. Recognizing the validity of thoughts and emotions

Even if we disagree with someone, we can validate that what they feel is genuine and important to them.

Example:

Toward others: “I understand you’re sad about the ending of this movie. I too felt that when I saw something else that moved me deeply.”

To yourself: “It’s normal to feel frustration in this situation. I don’t need to rush to get rid of it.”

6. Showing equality / empathy

Validation includes recognizing that we are wrong or have had similar experiences. This creates a genuine connection.

Example:

Towards others: “I felt the same way when I had a hard time. It’s normal, but you’ll get through it.”

To yourself: “I didn’t handle that perfectly, but that’s okay. I know I did what I could at the time.”

Validation: the key to healthy relationships and self-esteem

Ideally, the need for validation should be a transitory quest – a support to help us move forward, not an addiction. However, in the context of social pressure to always be ‘strong’ and ‘independent’, it is essential to recognize that needing validation is perfectly human.

Practical tips for validation in relationships:

  1. Listen without offering solutions – sometimes just being there is enough.
  2. Recognize your emotions, even if you don’t share them.
  3. Be open to admit mistakes and share vulnerabilities.
  4. Encourage authentic expression and give positive feedback whenever possible.

Tips for self-validation:

  1. Write an emotion journal to better understand how you feel.
  2. Practice self-compassion – speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend.
  3. Look for small moments of triumph every day and recognize them.
  4. Don’t constantly compare yourself to others – everyone has their own path.
Conclusion

Validation is a universal need that contributes to personal development and healthy relationships. Whether it comes from without or within, it can provide comfort, confidence and courage. By cultivating it in a balanced way, we can build a solid foundation for acceptance of ourselves and others.

Bibliography:

  1. Maslow, A. (1954).

    Motivation and Personality.
  2. Gibson, L. C. (2022).

    Adult children of emotionally immature parents.

  3. Ballara, N. (2023).

    The Power of Social Validation on Social Media.

  4. Tronick, E. (1972).

    Still Face Experiment.

  5. Grant County Mental Health Handout – Levels of Validation.

Author: Psih. Alexandra Anghel – Clinical psychologist – Med Anima Clinic Iasi

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